


Value

by BeautyInTheLibrary



Category: TAZ - Fandom, The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, M/M, Multi, Other, may contain mild spoilers if not caught up, mostly still canon, side questing, tres horny boys - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 14:05:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14672640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeautyInTheLibrary/pseuds/BeautyInTheLibrary
Summary: The Tres Horny Boys are off on another adventure, no grand prize at the end of this one, just some good ole fashion dungeon crawling. But to entire the cave of their soon to be obtained treasures they are met with a choice.“Your payment can either be something of incredible sentimental value to you or your left leg.” The wizard before the Tres Horny Boys said.A lofty choice for our emotionally stunted boys, amiright? Let's see what the boy get up to as we enter THE ADVENTURE ZONE





	1. Chapter 1

“Your payment can either be something of incredible sentimental value to you or your left leg.” The wizard before the Tres Horny Boys said.

Each of them reeled back at the prospect. None of them wishing to lose an entire leg, Merle still bitched about losing less than half an arm.

Sentimental? Taako scoffed at the notion, what could he have that would hold the necessary requirement? He was going to have dig in his bag for this one.

Magnus looked horrified, his first thought flying to Julia’s wedding ring. He couldn’t part with that, never. Was this really worth it, going in this cave for some side thing? Even if it was, the question remained: An item or a leg?

Merle was less hesitant and rustled through his things and pulled out a small hatchet that had been gifted to him by one of his mentors that meant a lot to him. But there was no use for an item when he held the memory right? He handed it over.

Merle and Taako exchanged looks; the elf sighed and rolled his eyes as he started looking through his bag.

Magnus started to scramble for something that he /could/ bare parting with. His grandfather’s knife maybe? It was a little too much. It was still pretty difficult to choose among his other items.

“Here.” Taako said annoyed with the whole affair as he held out a book with the words Caleb Cleveland: Kid Cop across the cover.  
“You kept that?” Magnus asked surprised.

“Shut up.” Taako said shapely, waggling the book in the wizard’s direction.

The book and the hatchet disappeared in millions of lights like fire flies and all eyes turned to Magnus. A twisted dark grin spread across the face of the wizard protecting the caves they needed to enter, looking all the world like he would be getting a leg today.

“Uh…” Magnus stalled, rummaging through his pack until he came upon a small knobby carved wooden duck. What had that been doing in there? He didn’t even remember making this recently and it certainly wasn’t at his current skill level? How bizarre.

“Well~?” The wizard beckoned him from his thoughts.

“Oh, uh, will this work?” Magnus held out the amateur carved duck.

“Oh~” The wizard said as he held a hand over the duck, both glowing with energy. “This will do nicely~”  
And the duck burst into millions of fire fly lights like the other items.

“Enjoy your journey. Be safe, be wary.” The wizard said as he too burst into millions of lights that dissipated into the air and the boulder covering the entrance fading away as if an illusion.

“Ah dunk, we should have just killed him.” Taako complained.

“Miss your book?” Merle teased as they started toward the cave.

“Not a chance.” Taako bristled.

Magnus hung back as something strange overcame him, a feeling of loss? But why? He didn’t even remember that duck, the small blood stains or the unpracticed finish of the carve. Not something he’d make since he first learned the skill right? 

“You good?” Taako asked over his shoulder as he paused when he realized their tank wasn’t following. “Shouldn’t you be, like, rushing in?”

“Uh, yea, no.” Magnus said as he started to catch up with them. “Just weird right? That guy?”

Taako rolled his eyes as he flipped his braid over his shoulder, marching forward into the cave and casting a simple light cantrip.

“Total waste of time. Better be worth our time in here, dumb ass side quest.” Taako complained.

“He regrets giving away that book.” Merle said under his breath as he leaned over to Magnus despite only coming up to just under Magnus’ waist.

“Huh?” Magnus asked confused, feeling like they should keep up with the elf least they get separated or Taako fall into a hole.

“The kid gave it to him, remember?” Merle said as he waddled after the long strides of his other party members.

“Angus? So?” Magnus asked as he watched Taako whip side to side at a fork in the cave.

“You should put more in perception and less in strength.” Merle chuckled. “Let’s blow through this one, okay?”

“Sure thing.” Magnus said, drawing Rail Splitter and holding it at the ready, you never knew what to expect in a mysterious cave guarded by weird memory hoarding wizards.

Better safe and keep his boys in one piece, right?


	2. Chapter 2

“Oh you gotta be fucking kidding me.” Taako fumed as he ran face first into an invisible barrier that pushed him and his party back. 

The trio looked around for the force that had come at them and collectively groaned as a wizard who looked near identical as the one that granted them entrance to the cave. They watched as the tunnel they were attempting to go through was covered in boulders, just like before.

“Oh please.” Taako growled as he rubbed his sore nose from the run in.

“Your payment can either be something of incredible sentimental value to you or your right leg.” The wizard said he gestured to the blocked tunnel.

"I say we kill him this time.” Taako said as he held up his umbrella.

“Now, now, I’m sure we could save some spell slots by just forking something over.” Merle suggested, more than likely because the four hours they spent in here (with little to show for it) proved they were not done casting. This cave was crawling with vile creatures protecting trash or treasure. 

Treasure one, trash seven.

Nerves were being tested today.

Magnus wasn’t sure which option would be better; certainly he could take care of this pest himself and save them the slots. But Merle might be right, should save energy.

“Oh for the love of!” Taako stamped his foot as he saw Magnus, mister rush to fight, giving in to Merle’s side. The elf shook his head as he groaned furiously.

Merle pulled out a small trinket one of his children had given him, it was some little touristy thing you could buy anywhere in Neverwinter. Mookie thought it was totally cool and had Mavis buy it so they could give it to Merle.

Magnus was faced with the same problem as before, if he had known this would come up he would have whittled up another duck. Instead he found a small scrap of paper at the very bottom of his pack that he had thought had disappeared ages ago and honestly was surprised it was intact let alone in there. It was the slip of paper for the job that first brought Merle and Taako into his life. What was that help list? Some dude asking to connect adventurers? Craig maybe?

Either way, it felt good enough and Magnus held it out. Just like before the items burst into tiny little swirling lights, blue this time instead of like fire flies.

All eyes turned to Taako, who was still scowling with his arms crossed, daring anyone to ask anything of him.

“Seriously?” Taako asked, rolling his eyes as his shoulders dropped and muttered a small ‘fine’ under his breath.

Taako’s head snapped up and the boys knew something occurred to the elf. Taako stalked over to Magnus and started man handling the brute of a man despite protest and giggling from tickling touches as Taako searched his person.

“Ah ha.” Taako said as he pulled out Magnus’ grandfather’s knife.

“Hey! No! That’s mine, it won’t count!” Magnus protested.

“Not what I want it for, big baby, now shush it.” Taako said as he placed the sheathed knife between his teeth, hopping around on one foot as he attempted to remove his right boot.

“Taako no!” Merle and Magnus screamed in misunderstanding.

“Shtup.” Taako muttered around the knife as he got the boot off and resoundly threw it at the wizard. It was equal parts surprising and disappointing the boot went right through him. 

Taako huffed the best he could before he took the knife into his hand and opened the pocket knife. Again the boys freaked out as the blade headed to the elf’s leg.

“Shut it.” Taako snapped and pulled the fabric of his legging away from his skin and stabbed into it. He cut and tore the fabric till it went all the way around and pull it off like a stocking.

Once Taako was finished he tossed the ruined legging at the wizard, this time it connected to something solid and flopped on his face.

“There. That was very precious to my right leg, it misses it already.” Taako said with his hands on his hips, standing there with one exposed leg on uneven levels.

Merle and Magnus looked at the wizard in anticipation what he would do.

There was a long pause before the fabric of the legging slid down the face of the wizard revealing a twisted smirk.

“Ooh…interesting~!” The legging burst into glittering lights and once again the wizard and the boulders disappeared.

“Whoa!” Magnus gasped, looking at Taako in shock.

The elf only shook his head, muttering about a waste of a good pair of leggings. It was ruining his whole look now.

“Whatever, my dude.” Taako flicked his braid back and tossed Magnus his knife back to him. “Get my boot.”

Merle picked up the boot and waddled it over to him, laughing his ass off as he did.

Taako struggled and hopped around as he forced his foot back into his boot, cringing at the feeling of bare skin inside of his adventuring boot. Magnus helped steady him and he managed to do his best to get himself situated.

“If we see him again, I’m killing him.” Taako said, eyeing Magnus. 

“Fine by me! Arms are next and I think I lost enough of those in this life time!” Merle agreed, also eyed Magnus.

“I saved your /life/ old man!” Magnus argued, an old and often had conversation. 

Merle and Magnus went ahead as they bickered and Taako made a small show that he was still wiggling in his boot. After they got a little too far ahead Taako started to follow again.

They better kill that whatever it is next time…what else did Taako have to give?


End file.
